What Yesterday’s Conversation Left Me Thinking About
Yesterday we met with Aaron Violi and Matt O'Sullivan. It was a really valuable conversation, and I’m so grateful to those who came along and shared their experiences at the MOTHS Hub as well as online. Thank you so so much.
To be honest...the pain and frustration I heard and felt in the room has had me pace and chunter to myself all day. There has to be a better way.
So what did we talk about?
The conversation weaved in and out. We spoke about childcare in our area, especially the limited options. We explained how long commutes shape decisions about whether returning to work is even possible. How decisions to leave abusive relationships hinged on the ability to find housing. The inequities in payments, particularly for single mums. The sense that, at times, the system feels set up in a way that makes things harder rather than easier.
Now…why was I left frustrated… I’m starting to pace here… walk with me..
Reflecting on these meetings today, there are things I wish we’d had more time to explore. We (all) kept saying that childcare is just one part of the picture. It’s complex and layered. What we didn’t really touch upon was the issue that women’s choices around care are deeply shaped by what happens when they try to return to work. We don’t pay for childcare just to do yoga or have a spa day, (because apparently that's what we're doing with it) but OMG how good would that be.
Too often in MOTHs private group we hear of mums being unable to return to the role they had prior to leaving. That we don’t have “current experience”. Job / organisational restructuring, redistribution of responsibilities, or changes to role alignments…you name it, we’ve heard the excuse.
Sigh…. Please sit with me…
I received an email today that highlighted this. At a table of eight mums at moths book club, she shared her story, only to find that four attendees had been made redundant while on maternity leave too. Four out of eight is not a one-off story we’re seeing, but a pattern that I wish we had spoken about more directly in the room.
This story isn’t just about access to childcare but about job security, workplace flexibility, and whether systems genuinely support women to return to work without being penalised for caring. Removing child support payments when the low income bar is reached isn’t just an unfortunate one-off incident, it’s structural inequality that traps people in poverty when what they’re only trying to do is the best for their kids.
Now look around….
Where were the dads in this conversation? This is also not conversation just for mums. It needs to include dads, workplaces, and the broader systems that shape how families function. There is still a strong cultural expectation that mums will be the ones to step back, yet the cost of living increasingly requires two incomes.
Nobody in that room yesterday would have disagreed that dads matter in this conversation — so why aren't the systems built that way? This isn't a radical idea - other countries have already done the work that are worth exploring. In countries like Norway, non transferable paid parental leave for fathers has helped shift expectations and create more balanced caregiving roles. If we recognise that children benefit from time with a parent, then we also need to look at how that care is properly supported.
For me, better would look like ongoing postnatal care that supports mums’ mental and physical health beyond the early weeks. It would include support for second and third time mums, not just first-time parents. It would mean genuine job protection, so taking parental leave doesn’t come at the cost of your career. Finally, it would include parental leave structures that actively support shared care.
Our community showed up yesterday thoughtful, informed, and generous. That's not nothing… that's everything. Now the question is whether the people with the power to change things are listening as hard as we are talking.
I'm still pacing. I hope you are too. You’re welcome to come pace with me anytime.
